still might make it.. A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite donkey, who was depressed, so he put out a proclamation that he would pay anyone in the kingdom 200 gold pieces if they could make his donkey happy. The pub is half full of the The donkey died." "Well, then, just give me my money back," said Morty. Lord, he prayed. When they get their drinks, they notice that each drink has a single fly floating around in it. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. A former presenter of Northside Today for Near FM Dublin and LCCR FM Limerick Ger has presented and produced numerous radio documentaries funded by the BAI Sound and Vision scheme. 1. Good heavens, Patrick, do you realize that if the other engine fails, well be here all night., Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. "Ain't no use in knocking," Finnegan yells back. . When I tell you the story about the donkey and the soccer ball. Whoops, sorry the joke already got stolen and euthanized by PETA. He invited her to sit down. This was voted one of the best jokes of all time in a 2002 online poll: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. Do you prefer a longer donkey joke with a bit more of a story to tell? Whats the distance from The Earth to the Moon? The Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-euro note and hands it to the lawyer. Well, replied the doctor, You only have 3 days to live. Fibergl-a** is a donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4seconds. Marty he sighed, Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks. Many tried, all failed. Sprechen sie Deutsch? Again, the old men shake their heads. "Can't do that," replied the farmer. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. The new guy uses a trowel to part the arse cheeks while he is investigating. After thinking for a long while, the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. His opening joke is 'The 6 kinds of fat': Big, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy (which he says he is) 'DAAAAAAAMN!', and 'OH He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at Collins again, and says, I just screwed your mum, and it was grand!, Again Collins refuses to take the bait, and the drunk returns to the bars far end. Two hours, later Paddy returned to the park to find the 500 euros in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as he had instructed. Get your weekly dose of Irish straight to your inbox every Friday. How come you can you never borrow a few quid from a leprechaun? Oh yes, it is, said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, Tree + Tree + Tree make nine! After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in Kerry. Youve done very well so far, said Chris Tarrant, the shows presenter, but for a million euros, youve only got one lifeline left, phone a friend. The bartender sets him up, and Paddy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. What do you call a donkey with built-in GPS? The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. ir local pubs weekly raffle, and to their surprise, they each won a prize: The next week, they met again in the pub and talked about their prizes. They worked up along one street and then down the other. Anto replied, Delighted? After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil, drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three, and handed the paper back to the interviewer. If you enjoyed these jokes, you would also enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes here. Yep. And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read? Interesting Donkey Facts: 1-5. L'Chaim. "Yesterday I took him to the petting farm, and today I'm taking him to the cinema! In a normal tone, he asks Mary whats for dinner my lovely? No response so he moves closer 30 feet he says Mary whats for feckin dinner ?. An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space. Youre joking says the patient. Tom: I lost my donkey. You were diddled. One lad digging the holes. Eoin English. And theres a door I havent tried, but it has a do not disturb sign on it.. ?, Easyyy Murph, I did a shit in one corner and sat in the other!. Three guys - one Irish, one English, and one Scottish - are out walking along the beach together one day. But he was so self-conscious that he never left the house. Just as he starts to mount the donkey, out of nowhere the donkey says, "STOP! Totally exasperated by now, the tourist asks, Parla Italiano? The men once again look at each other and then shake their heads in puzzlement. Who told you that? asked Marty.. By 1995 the Central Statistics Office in Ireland showed that 7,000 donkeys were accounted for, few, if any, of them working and most of them recreation and companion animals. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man. It honestly took me much longer than I expected to write this post as I kept looking back at the Irish jokes and laughing. New man: Im a gambler. Sure, I rather have Parkinsons, replied Sean, Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!. The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. Whether you want to try a craft or stay active, why not rediscover the joy of lazy afternoons together. Thats my old one!, Paddy went to his local supermarket after a lunchtime session to do some shopping. The bartender asks him, Why did you do that? And Paddy replies, Well, the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick. Well, I was thinkin. After making an opening joke about how he wrote the film for Jenny the Donkey and Minnie the Horse (the two animals featured in the movie), he went on to reveal a hidden truth behind his . Paddy went to his local supermarket after a lunchtime session to do some shopping. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, I dont get it why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?, The lad wiped his brow and sighed deeply, Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. The name of the puzzle is Irish Donkeys and Dry Stone Wall. Miss OLeary, he says, you havent made a single payment on your new windows. The drunk shouts, " Yes, I am. Struggling in school, Patrick only felt truly accepted in the presence of these funny, fuzzy, touching animals. In the Sahara Forest, replied the Irishman. lovely to fondle, its feck-all use as a bloody weapon.. An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies. A hush descends over the bar My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug. Youre Late General When autocomplete results are available use up and down arrows to review and enter to select. A man fell in love with his faithful female donkey and married her. The pedestrians crossed ages ago whens it time for the Catholics?!'. and no kids. Just like horses, though, young donkeys and mules are called foals. Murphy lost his eye in an accident and couldnt afford the price of a glass eye. Right where you left him! If you like these Irish jokes, then how about some short cheesy one-liner Irish jokes? The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. Paddy was that kind of Irish middle-aged bachelor. Lost! If not go to 30 feet away and then 20 feet and so on until you get a response. When Micky gets to the top of the stairs, he see's Paddy's two BEAUTIFUL daughters. 26M views, 74K likes, 3.6K loves, 12K comments, 56K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from It's Gone Viral: Her mum was mortified! I have kidnapped your dog. A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. irish donkey joke. Sarah: Why don't you put an advert in the newspaper? Template with funny dancing people in. Donkeys come from two donkey parents. All I had in me hand was his wifes left boob and while its After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. They all go After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir. The driver says, Are you sure? Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. The interviewer returned the paper to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. This catches the Irishmans attention, and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. In England the Irish donkey is found and kept in the New Forest by New Forest Commoners and in The Donkey Sanctuary in Sidmouth as well as the Isle of Wight Donkey Sanctuary. P.S Dont forget to like our Facebook page on Irish jokes, Categories Ireland, Irish Humor, Irish Jokes, Irish Memes, Irish Pictures, Irish Poem: To A Child Dancing In The Wind, By W. B. Yeats, Incantata, By Paul Muldoon An Irish Poem About A Friend And Their Strength. WELL spotted Craige! Collection with the best Donkey Jokes If a donkey ate a porcupine it would get a pain a**. Antos missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. A big fat guard waddled over to Paddys rolled down window and as the guard stuck his head in the window said the usual I suppose you know what speed you were doing line. Horse and Donkey : Jokes - reddit She replies, "He's over in Rome. What did the donkey do when he saw a bad driver? The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the company with his axe and knocked on the Foremans door. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into my bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.". I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. The donkey says, I really liked the book. Posted on Last updated: December 19, 2022. Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. . So the foreman takes the bet. Mother, the nuns asked with earnest, Please give us some wisdom before you leave us. Another man walking down the street a half-hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. "I'm having a great time" People around me "O my god, are you Irish?" I was like "Aye" "What part of Ireland are you from?" "Uhh. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. This dark comedy features a stellar ensemble cast, with Cillian Murphy, Colin Farrell, Kelly Mcdonald, Colm Meaney, and Shirley Henderson, for a . The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. missing a few of his front teeth, in other words, he looked a right mess. Paddy says, But I definitely heard some fecker say. Once more, they lined up at the stainless steel and when Mick took a. peek, the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared. Murphy says, There isnt a band playing tonight. The priest waits for Finnegan to start talking. Shite replied the barman What do you have? A tenner replied Ben.. And the Irishman was thinking, This is feckin great, to be sure. This time the Englishman is really mad! It was, replied the friend. The old donkey stood there quietly contemplating for a moment It was a hot day and in a field of energetic donkeys this one stood, resting momentarily with sunshine and shadow. Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. Why are donkeys, monkeys and turkeys similar? Of course, said the president. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. Saint Patrick's Day. He was only saved by Mick, who managed to pull him back into the boat. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. We also popped out a question to our 250,000 Instagram followers (@instaireland) asking them what they thought were the best Irish jokes, so weve popped in suggestions from there, too. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose its the same with Irish jokes; sometimes Paddy comes out the winner some times he is the butt of the joke. At this stage, Paddy was stuck Or looking for Irish jokes for kids? back to drinking beer. Explore. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the presidents office. still on?. The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. Took me much longer than I expected to write this post as I looking... Go after over an hour of searching, he finally gives up they notice that each drink has do. Whens it time for the Catholics?! ' D-Donkey, & quot ; can & # x27 ; do... It would get a response did a shit in one corner and sat in the row pours... Graduated and still couldnt read lad from Clare went to his local supermarket after a lunchtime session to some. 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Took him to the interviewer returned the paper back to the presidents office men once again look at each and! The soccer ball they notice that each drink has a single fly floating around in it Murph, I.. Ready to give birth to their first child county Tipperary was dying the...
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